September - my "something is missing" month

September has been an odd month for me for many years. I feel like I should be doing something, anything and for a couple of years I couldn't put my finger on it. About 10 years ago I quit everything I loved and looking back realize .. well we can't go back and fix, now can we. Decisions sometimes are a good thing or not a good thing, we just never know when we step out of what we know. So I will admit for shutting down and I suppose it could be considered a depression, a long one. I hated the apartment I was forced to move so my daughter and I didn't have to give up our cat. I hated losing my house because I had not worked for ten years to be a homemaker for my family. I hated going back to the job market with a ten year hole in my resume and feeling like I had stepped back, not forward and I hated doing the jobs I do just because it is what I know how to do and not really what I love to do. Yes, I confess, I am one of those... I work because I HAVE to. I love to stay home and I love being a homemaker.

Over the last two years I have started to dig out. I am back to spinning and my my my... I love sitting at my Kromski going into my zone. Spinning has always made me feel grounded and where I should be. I am so surprised I almost sold all of my spinning equipment and supplies! Phew, that was a narrow miss!

September is canning season and I realized that is my problem. When I lost the house, I lost years worth of gardening. I had over ten varieties of thyme for starters. I grew 4 varieties of basil every year. I grew rosemary, oregano, name it, if it was growable in my region, it was growing in my herb and perenial gardens. I grew medicinals, I grew a witches garden... I just grew stuff. By the time I moved there were hundreds of lavendar plants bordering my beds that I started from seed. I started most of my plants from seed. January was planning month, my husband and I gardened year round, there is always something to do even with 3 feet of snow outside.

I am used to September being hectic. Thousands of tomatoes eyeing me until put in jars. We made salsa, canned tomatoes, apple butter, jellies, jams and more. If it wouldn't go in a jar, it went into the chest freezer. We planned a year round food source and was usually to the last of the frozen and canned foods as the new and fresh was coming in. The freezer would be stocked with every freezable vegetable we grew, the blueberries we picked, and well I could go on forever. I did this for years so it is no wonder I wander around my apartment wondering what I always do with myself, haha. We moved last November to this new place and the kitchen is huge and I like the apartment far more than I did the last one that I actually stayed in for 8!!! years. I think it is pulling out by inner canning spirit. I bought a canner! I am not sure I will get anything canned this year, jars seem sold out everywhere currently in my area but it is a start and I do have a jelly I want to make for Christmas. Maybe this means I am ready to reach back and snatch up the things I gave up in order to shut a door. I am not really sure why I did this but maybe it is a clue that I was not totally happy with some decisions I made but that is where we come up with that saying... "live and learn".

So, I did commit myself to something that has been fun so far (so far meaning day 2!), we will see day 500 when much of my list is not done! I am a list person, putting a list in front of me is like waving a red flag in front of a bull, I become obsessed. Tikabelle, from a podcast I listen to, Gives Good Knit, does a list called 101 in 1001. It is actually a good list. You can put some pretty lofty goals there with that kind of time frame and it helps you not forget things you might want to do but just seem to mull over on occasion. You know.. those "I should" and "someday I would like to" or "someday I might....". But it on a list, print the list and put it somewhere where you can see it often. You just might get to those "I should" and "someday I might"'s. So far I am to 50 plus and my starting date is today, October 1 and end date being June 28, 2012. Wow, 2012. I have lofty goals but that is just fine with me. I am challenged and there are things I have been dreaming of and intend to make real. Like, going to Scotland, my dream as long as I can remember. I set a date, I am going, I will work on the funds the next 2 plus years, period. I will post my list once I have all my detail in my spreadsheet and it is more complete.

One thing on the list is something I have been thinking about for a long time. I want to knit every shawl in Cheryl Oberle's Folk Shawls book and actually, I want to step it up too. I think I want to spin for every shawl and then knit it. So, that is going on the list. Like I said, LOFTY goals. But it keeps me out of trouble, right?

Sunrise update.. I am getting there! I filled 4 bobbins for the last time I think. I am going down to 2 bobbins now as I am fanatical about coming out even on bobbins. I like things even, what can I say.